Recovering a sense of power
You are coming into your power as the illusory hold of your previously accepted limits is shaken.
And during this time you will be dealing with unaccustomed bursts of energy and sharp peaks of anger, joy and grief.
Anger is fuel. We feel it and we want to do something. Hit someone, break something, throw a fit, smash a fist into the wall. But we are nice people, and what we do with our anger is stuff it, deny it, bury it, block it, hide it, lie about it, medicate it, ignore it. We do everything but listen to it.
Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go. It lets us see where we’ve been and lets us know when we haven’t liked it. Anger points the way, not just the finger. In the recovery process, anger is a sign of health. Anger is meant to be acted upon. It is not meant to be acted out. Anger points the direction. We are meant to use anger as fuel to take the actions we need to move where our anger points us. With a little thought, we can usually translate the message that our anger is sending us.
When we feel anger, we are often very angry that we feel anger. Damn anger!! It tells us we can’t get away with our old life any longer. It tells us that old life is dying. It tells us we are being reborn, and birthing hurts. The hurt makes us angry.
Anger is the firestorm that signals the death of our old life. Anger is the fuel that propels us into our new one. Anger is a tool, not a master. Anger is meant to be tapped into and drawn upon. Used properly, anger is use-full.
Laziness, apathy, and despair are the enemy. Anger is not. Anger is your friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend. It will always tell you when they have been betrayed. It will always tell you when you have betrayed yourself. It will always tell you that it is time to act in your own best interests.
Important to know
Those of us who get bogged down by fear before action are usually being sabotaged by an older enemy, shame.
Shame is a controlling device. Shaming someone is an attempt to prevent the person from behaving in a way that embarrasses us. Making a piece of art may feel a lot like telling a family secret. Secret telling, by its very nature, involves shame and fear. It asks the question "What will they think of me once they know this?" This is a frightening question, particularly if we have ever been made to feel ashamed for our curiosities and explorations — social, sexual, spiritual.
"How dare you?" angry adults often rage at an innocent child who has stumbled onto a family secret. (How dare you open your mother's jewelry box? How dare you open your fa- ther's desk drawer? How dare you open the bedroom door? How dare you go down in the cellar, up in the attic, into some dark place where we hide those things we don’t want you to know?)
Often we are wrongly shamed and from this shaming we learn that we are wrong to create. Shame is triggered in us as adults because our internal artist is always our creative child. Shame can also be caused by criticism.
Dealing with criticism
It is important to be able to sort useful criticism from the other kind. Often we need to do the sorting out for ourselves.
There are certain rules useful in dealing with any form of criticism.
1. Receive the criticism all the way through and get it over with.
2. Write down notes to yourself on what concepts or phrases bother you.
3. Write down notes on what concepts or phrases seem useful.
4. Do something very nurturing for yourself — read an old good review or recall a compliment.
5. Remember that even if you have made a truly bad piece of art, it may be a necessary stepping stone to your next work. Art matures moderately and requires ugly growth stages.
6. Look at the criticism again. Does it remind you of any criticism from your past — particularly shaming childhood criticism? Acknowledge to yourself that the current criticism is triggering grief over a long lasting wound.
7. Write a letter to the critic - not to be mailed, most probably. Defend your work and acknowledge what was helpful, if anything, in the criticism offered.
8. Get back on the horse. Make an immediate commitment to do something creative.
9. Do it. Creativity is the only cure for criticism.
Action steps for day 14
Many blocked women are actually very powerful and creative personalities who have been made to feel guilty about their own strengths and gifts. Without being acknowledged, they are often used as batteries by their families and friends, who feel free to both use their creative energies and disparage them. When these blocked artists strive to break free of their dysfunctional systems, they are often urged to be sensible when such advice is not appropriate for them. Made to feel guilty for their talents, they often hide their own light for fear of hurting others. Instead, they hurt themselves.
A little detective work is needed in order to restore the person we have abandoned - ourselves. When you complete the following phrases, you may feel strong emotion as you retrieve memories and misplaced fragments of yourself. Allow yourself to free-associate for a sentence or so with each phrase.
1. My favorite childhood toy was ……………………..
2. My favorite childhood game was …………………
3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was
4. I don't do it much but I enjoy ...
5. If I could lighten up a little, I'd let myself….. .
6. If it weren't too late, I'd…………………….
7. My favorite musical instrument is ……………..
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is ……………….
9. If I weren't so stingy with my artist, I'd buy her………………………
10. Taking time out for myself is………..
II. I am afraid that if I start dreaming……………….
12. I secretly enjoy reading ……………………………..
13. If I had had a perfect childhood I'd have grown up to be……………….
14. If it didn't sound so crazy, I'd write or make a………………..
15. My parents think artists are…………
16. My God thinks artists are………………….
17. What makes me feel weird about this recovery is…………….
18. Learning to trust myself is probably…………….
19. My most cheer-me-up music is………………..
20. My favorite way to dress is……………………………..