You have reached a level where you learn more about the meaning of self-definition as being a major component of your recovery and discovery process. You may find yourself drawing new boundaries and creating new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests start to come to the surface with a louder voice.

Going sane is an inner process and trusting your creativity is new behavior for many of us.  It may feel quite threatening initially, not only to you but also to your intimates. You may feel and look erratic and this is totally normal part of getting untuck, pulling free from the mess that has blocked you.

It is important to remember that at first, going sane feels just like going crazy. There is a recognizable ebb and flow to the process of recovering our creative selves.  As you gain strength, so will some of the attacks of self-doubt.  This is normal, and you can deal with these stronger attacks when you see them as symptoms of recovery. 

Common self-attacks are:

"Okay, so I did okay this week but it's just a temporary thing... Okay, so I got the morning pages done. I probably did them wrong….. Okay, so now I need to plan something big and do it right away!…… Who am I kidding? I'll never recover, not right away… not ever….. “

These attacks are groundless, but very convincing to yourself. Buying into them enables you to remain stuck and victimized. These attacks can come from either internal or external sources. We can neutralize them once we recognize them as a sort of creative virus. Affirmations are a powerful antidote for self-hate, which commonly appears under the mask of self-doubt.

Early in our creative recovery, self-doubt can lure us into self-sabotage. A common form for this sabotage is showing someone your morning pages. Remember,  the morning pages are private and are not intended for the scrutiny of well meaning friends or family. Do not let your self-doubt turn into self-sabotage as blocked friends may find your recovery disturbing. Your getting unblocked raises the unsettling possibility that they, too, could become unblocked and move into authentic creative risks rather than embracing cynicism. Be alert to subtle sabotage from friends. You can’t afford their well-meaning doubts right now.

 You will learn that it is actually easier to write than not write, paint than not paint, and so forth.  You will learn to enjoy the process of being a creative channel and to surrender your need to control the result.  You will discover the joy of practicing your creativity.  The process, not the product, will become your focus!

It is mandatory to protect yourself and your inner child. A related thing you can do to avoid being creative is to involve yourself with crazy-makers.

Crazy-makers  are those person- alities that create storm centers.  They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive.  And, for the creative person in their vicinity, they are enormously destructive.  You know the type: charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions.  Crazy-makers are the kind of people who can take over your whole life.  If you are involved with a crazy-maker, you probably know it already as they really like drama.

Whether they appear as your overbearing mother, your manic boss, your needy friend or your stubborn spouse, the crazy-makers in your life share certain destructive patterns that makes them poisonous for any sustained creative work.

1. Crazy-makers break deals and destroy schedules.

2. Crazy-makers expect special treatment. They require care and attention whenever you have a deadline coming up or anything else that draws your attention from their demands.

3. Crazy-makers discount your reality. No matter how important your deadline or how critical your work trajectory at the moment, crazy-makers will violate your needs. They may act as though they hear your boundaries and will respect them, but in practice act is the operative word. Crazy- makers are the people who drop by unexpectedly to borrow something you can’t find or don’t want to lend them.

4. Crazy-makers spend time and money. If they borrow your car, there return it late, with an empty tank. Their travel arrangements always cost you time or money.

5. Crazy makers triangulate those they deal with. Because they thrive on energy(your energy), they set people against one another in order to maintain their own power position dead center. They will say something like: “So- and-so was telling me you didn’t get to work on time today…. “

6. Crazy-makers are export blamers. Nothing that goes wrong is ever their fault, and to hear them telling, the fault is usually yours.

7. Crazy-makers hate schedules - except their own. In the hands of a crazy-makers, time is a primary tool for abuse. If you claim a certain block of time as your own, your crazy-maker will find a way to fight you for that time, to mysteriously need things just when you need to be alone and focused on the task at hand.

8. Crazy-makers hate order. Chaos serves their purpose.

9. Crazy-makers deny that they are crazy-makers

   If crazy-makers are that destructive, what are we doing involved with them?

The answer, to be brief and brutal, is that we are that crazy ourselves and we are that self-destructive.

As blocked creatives, we are willing to go to almost any length to remain blocked and that’s why this process is so frightening.

Action steps for day 13

1. Morning pages

2. Read these elevating statements HERE . You can also write them in your journal and read them every day.

3. Where does your time go? List your five major activities this week. How much time did you give to each one? Which were what you wanted to do and which were those you should do? How much of your time is spent helping others and ignoring your own desires? Have any of your blocked friends or family members triggered doubts in you?

   Take a sheet of paper and draw a circle. Inside that circle place topics you need to protect. Place the names of those you find to be supportive. Outside the circle, place the names of those you must be self-protective around just now. Place this safety map near where you write your morning pages and use the map to support your autonomy. Add names to the inner and outer circle as appropriate.

4. List 20 things you enjoy doing (rock climbing, roller skating, dancing, baking, riding horses, going for a run etc.) When was the last time you let yourself do these things? Next to each entry place a date. This list is an excellent resource for your soulful dates.

5. List 10 changes you would like to make for yourself, from the significant to the small.

   I would like to……………………..

You are beautiful, you are powerful, you are limitless, everything is possible, you are enough.